Written while Drunk on Thoughts

29 Sep 2014

What's important is you are going...


Changes. Daunting isn't it? Human are wired to get used to things, another human being, materials; we are wired to get attached to what's familiar. The sheer thought of changes would make us feel uncomfortable. I know certain changes literally make me want to crawl into bed, under the cover and never want to face reality.

I tend to forget that while changes may seem scary but it will bring positive impact to your life. Perhaps the impact won't be immediate, sometimes not even obvious but it will always turn out to be how it was meant to be. One major problem of CHANGOPHOBIA is human associate change with leaving the comfort zone and that is synonym with bad.

Yes, it is scary and you will get lost at first. So lost that you are not sure what you wanted and everywhere you turn, you don't seem to belong; so lost that your inner peace no longer serve its intended purpose; so lost that you seemed like a spirit, watching your helpless self struggle to make sense of everything. Your heart break into a billion pieces and nothing seem right nor will it be right.

The sad news is everyone went through the same thing one time or another, one change or multiple changes (at the same time) seem like an invisible hand that grab hold of your whole world and shake it like a snow globe. What's different with your life and a snow globe is nothing in your life is glued down. The life as you know it seemed like a dream and that change just bursted your dream bubble.

Now all you are left with is a raw version of yourself. It may come as a shock but the good thing about changes are you get to re-invent yourself, you get to evolve. Change serves as a reset button and what happens after the change is entirely up to you.

So, grab hold of change's horn and make the most out of it. There are days when it gets tough and this is when you have to tell yourself - " Just keep going, you have to keep going, going where? It doesn't matter. What's important is you are going. Eventually it will get better."

I had been stuck in the same rut for the past year, a rut that was initially a change that I welcomed. Even though I took it as a life experience, frankly I doubted myself every single day. I kept asking questions similar to " When is it going to be different?" Things are especially hard when I felt completely useless not contributing to the society that I imagined I would be. One thing that kept me sane is the same mantra I tell myself everyday, I have to keep going; keep doing things that I am passionate about. I write and write, I travelled then I write, I meet new people who are inspiration to my writing. I invested my time online writing this blog and writing offline. I signed up a new language course to widen my language skill and also to improve on my English.

All I need was a change to break the routine. I got my changes. I am now a contributing member of this society. And guess what? Deep down, I don't want things to change. Classic human. Here I am, not happy about the rut I am in but the change that life provided, I am not too thrilled about it either. All because I am too comfortable in my comfortable-sweatpants mode.

Of course I changed into my equally comfortable jeans, accepted the change and say yes to everything. I am now still getting used to the changes but I've learned a lesson, when things are getting slightly routine, it is time to grab hold that snow globe of a life and give it a good shake. Don't forget that the sun has to set for it to rise again.

17 Sep 2014

The Perfect LOVE story

Its the classic story of Boy meets girl, Girl meets boy; Boy like girl, Girl is smitten with boy; one of them had to leave, leaving both with an empty feeling and hearts aching for answers, aching for each other.

The time together are precious as there is no time for nonsense. Chemistry is strong and passion is present. Attraction come hand-in-hand with lust. Oxytocin filled the days, endorphin rule the nights. Both drowned in a high better than drugs. The strong urge to validate all these emotions by getting in a relationship, to find out the compatibility.

Yes, all these could continue and turn into something very solid. While there are extreme positive in an uncertainty, there are also extreme negative as well. Though that doesn't stop us from dreaming how great things will be. Life is only as good as the dreams are, isn't it? Its the perfect LOVE story, with the right amount of affection, drama and tears. It is afterall a very popular plot in all romantic stories.

The future seems so bright and promising but it too seems very fragile and so out-of-reach. Doubts are often accompanied by hopes. Will things fizzle out or will it go stronger as the day passes? Questions after questions popping up, hurting the mind and pains the heart.

In this "Perfect Love Story", I've learned the not-so-perfect me and the perfectly imperfect you. We both had a past that fits into each other, sharing empathy for each other after showing each other our side of the painful experience. You gave me a hug and said "You are forgiven.", in your arms I found comfort, I found forgiveness, I found closure. From my words, you believe that you are able to take the first step away from your previous betrayal.



We may be placed in each other's life to love each other or we may be there just to help each other. But no matter what the Spaghetti monster has in store for us, I want you to know that I will love you and you have a huge place in my heart.

5 Sep 2014

Eternity


He who binds himself to a joy
Does the wingèd life destroy ;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sun rise.
-William Blake-

Celui qui veut conquérir la joie,
Malgré lui, la brisera ;
Celui qui, quand elle passe, sait doucement l'embrasser
Pourra toute sa vie en profiter.
Credit: http://www.babelio.com/auteur/William-Blake/2708/citations


1 Sep 2014

Food, Hair Flips and more Food


One of the many perks of having your best friend living in a different country? You always have a valid reason to visit that city. This year, for my birthday I decided on a spontaneous trip to Bangkok. This is probably the most spontaneous trip I had thus far. Planning, research and execution took less than 12 hours. I wasn't that interested in getting to know Bangkok through the many sights and great temples Bangkok has to offer, I am more interested in spending those few days just being with her. Its like London all over again but with warm weather and a car.

There are lots of food involved. MANGO. GLUTINOUS RICE. INTERNAL ORGANS. CAKE. FRENCH TOAST. WINE. FISH CAKES. COCONUT. FRÜH. COFFEE. Did I mentioned that I devoured 2 entire mangoes by myself? I am born to live in Thailand.

AND.....

The high quality photo taking. If Pretty Girl claimed to be the Candid-Photo-Queen, no one could beat her. She always managed to take my best (back) side. 



My takeaway from this trip? Great snacks, yet another great memory with Pretty Girl and this lesson - "The best things that happened in our lives are never planned."